Learn To Use Your Internal Relationship GPS
Know where you are headed in your relationship or you may find that you get lost.
Communication Tip #3: Learn To Use Your Internal Relationship GPS
Driving from our L.A office to our Rancho Cucamonga office can sometimes be a major hassle. Too often there’s just too much traffic and other delays. When this happens, it can make a 50-minute trip take over 2-1/2 hours. That’s why even though I know how to get to where I’m going, I’ll use a GPS to help problem-solve the challenge of finding the fastest route during heavy traffic.
Navigating through challenging times in a relationship can also benefit from a kind of GPS. Think of using a Relationship GPS as being able to use a good problem-solving strategy to take you to our desired goal when interacting with your partner. A good relationship GPS helps you course-correct during communication challenges.
So how do we access Good Problem Solving (G-P-S) skills when under relationship stress?
It starts with the kind of mindset we’re using to see and think about our life and our relationships. We can unconsciously come from a narrow, fixed mindset that’s limited in its scope. With more self-understanding, we realize that we need a more aware, “growth mindset” to live our best lives, and enjoy better relationships. We call this kind of mindset our Character Champion (“CC”) mindset. It’s our CC mindset that knows that the goal of a mutually healthy relationship is to choose a supportive, loving, and compassionate course of action even during stressful times. Especially when under stress, It can be very helpful to tune into your Character Champion Mindset.
What’s a Character Champion Mindset? It’s when you act out of your highest, most developed self. Our CC mindset is always leveling up our character to champion levels of emotional and psychological performance. This is when we’re at our very best, when we’re on top of our game. We all have this part of ourselves, we just need to train our brains to access it. It is your Character Champion Mindset that provides you with what you need, in order to have an exceptional Relationship GPS to guide your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward your desired goals.
Let’s say your partner does something that really pisses you off. You start to feel mad and you’re tempted to say something mean. Right? No…flashing red light! Slow down, proceed with caution!
That’s the moment for you to tune into your Character Champion Mindset, to gain access to your Relationship GPS skills. …You know that you want a Character Champion relationship, one that is supportive and loving. You can ask yourself, will my angry words or actions bring me closer to, or further away from my goal? How can I respond to my partner in a way that will bring me closer to my goal? Your goal is to have a mutually supportive, loving relationship. It’s not reacting to show how angry you are in the moment. Once you realize this, you can calm down and use your GPS skills.
Another way to demonstrate this… Say you’re tempted to say to your partner – “You never take the trash out. You’re so inconsiderate!” Instead, remember to tune in to your Champion Self, so you’ll have access to your GPS skills. You can then ask yourself, “Is that statement going to bring me closer, or further away from creating a loving, supportive relationship?” – Hmmn, accusing my partner is probably not going to bring me closer, and may create a car crash of an interaction. …Maybe I need to course-correct?
Coming from your wise, CC Mindset instead, you might say, “Honey, I noticed you forgot to take the trash out. It would mean so much to me if you were to do that before you sit down to watch TV. It means a lot to me when you remember to help.”
Which one of these statements do you think is more likely to get you to your final goal? It’s not a guarantee, but don’t you stand more of a chance with the second interaction than the first?
That’s how you can tune into your higher, Character Champion Mindset to get the guidance of your own internal Relationship GPS. Remember to keep your eye on the final destination…which is simply having a supportive, loving relationship.